Sample answer 2011 NAPLAN - Money and Toys

How did your kids go in NAPLAN 2011? Did they survive - or thrive? It wasn't an easy topic!

To get strong marks in the NAPLAN writing task, you have to do more than just 'write by numbers'.

Here are four techniques the Seven Steps program has used to help over 2000 teachers this year with persuasive writing.

1. Did your students write an introduction that engaged and persuaded? (Step 2: Sizzling Starts)

NAPLAN
Audience = 6 marks

An introduction should state which side the writer will argue, however it should also ENGAGE the reader instantly.

Here's the 'standard' introduction.
I don't think that too much money is spent on games and toys...

However, far more powerful is to get the reader on your side fast.
She is hugging a doll close to her heart. She's an ancient Egyptian girl... or a Roman slave... she's a child in remote Africa... or she's a rich kid in a Hollywood mansion. We are humans and we need to play. How much should we spend on toys and games, how much is too much? The answer is 'not enough'. Play is priceless.

2. Did students plan logically – and brainstorm lots of ideas? (Step 1: Plan for Success)

NAPLAN
Ideas = 5 marks
Text Structure = 4 marks
Cohesion = 4 marks
Paragraphing = 3 marks.

How many of your students started writing in a panic, crammed their ideas into the first two paragraphs and then rambled and repeated ideas for the rest?

OR did most of them brainstorm LOTS of ideas first (at least 10) and then know to delete the weak ideas and logically sort the strong ones into paragraphs?

Brainstorming ideas is vital. If you need three strong ideas, you have to brainstorm at least ten.

  • Games keep you fit (too many overweight kids)
  • Help with mental ability – puzzles, etc
  • How much is too much money? (Rich people planted mazes from trees, THAT'S an expensive puzzle.)
  • Games are not just computer and video games, they can be good for you.
  • Humans always play games – Egypt, Romans, in remote Africa, etc.
  • Animals do too – dogs play fetch, dolphins dive through hoops.
  • Games teach you – e.g. monopoly is about money.
  • Relationships – playing games like sport or board games teach social skills.
  • Creativity e.g. boy flying paper airplane dreams of being a pilot.
  • Many games/toys are cheap or free e.g. a ball, Frisbee, skipping rope, tag, etc.
  • Usually given as gifts on birthday and Christmas. (What else do you buy? A book? A dog?)

3. Did your students PERSUADE?

NAPLAN
Persuasive Devices = 4 marks
Vocabulary = 5 marks.

Did students use devices like humour, exaggeration, questions, dialogue and quotations (Step 4: Dynamic Dialogue) and Show, Don't Tell (Step 5)?

To persuade you have to have fun and 'manipulate' the reader a bit!

  • Did I read that right? TOO MUCH money spent on games and toys? You're asking me, a kid that?
  • What else do you buy a kid for Christmas? A book? By the time he's 18 he owns half a library, but won't be able to catch a ball.
  • 'There is a youth obesity problem. Children need to play more games.' Health expert.
  • I know you're trying to hint that games are just computer and video games, and that toys are just junky things spread out all over a kid's floor.
  • See the Sizzling Start above – this is a Show, Don't Tell example also.

4. Did students end with a conclusion that was strong and persuasive? (Step 7: Ending with Impact)

Here's the basic conclusion – it doesn't persuade.
In conclusion, I think we definitely don't spend too much on games and toys.

Or did your students end with persuasion and power?
A seven year old boy holds a wooden airplane up in the air. He makes zooming noises as he flies it around his head. We are humans and we need games and toys, and most of all we need dreams. He wants to be a pilot – and one day he will. The plane cost $1.50 to buy. Is that too much?

Finally, NAPLAN is marked out of 48 possible marks. Spelling (6 marks) and Punctuation (5 marks) are only a small component of the skills tested. All the other writing skills are higher level techniques and FAR easier to teach - exactly what the Seven Steps is all about.

The Seven Steps program works for ALL genres of writing – Narrative, Informational and of course, Persuasive.

Yet most of all, the Seven Steps puts the fun and creativity back into writing.

Join one of our next Seven Steps workshops now!